Its 2001, senior Bush officials sit across the table from a group of oil executives. On the table is a map, a map with no names. Like Indiana Jones’ map depicting the resting spot of the Holy Grail in the Canyon of the Crescent Moon, this map shows the Holy Grail (if Jesus bled oil) in a somewhat more fertile crescent. The map is chopped up into grids showing where highest reserve of oil can be found. They decide on one spot, one spot with a large amount of oil that has barely been touched. There’s just one problem, there are people living on that spot on the grid.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. Years ago Russia was found to be rich in oil and Americans longed to take it. The trouble is Russia has nukes, and nukes scare Americans (unless we’re using them, then they scare the Japanese, and probably the French).
Recently that map has been released to the public due to a court order, along with a list of 63 oil companies and their current progress negotiating with Saddam’s regime for a little slice of that map (which in case you didn’t guess is a map of the Middle East with Iraq being the prime oil location). Unfortunately, Saddam promised that land to some French company. What to do now?
Now you need to remove the current regime (check!). Then you need to install in a puppet government (double check!). And then you need to discredit that governments ability to survive on its own giving you a reason to keep a very strong military presence in the area (check! And it helps to define a set of bullshit objectives that don’t matter to convince your country you’re doing something really important). If you don’t have a strong military presence you would lose your oil in a matter of days. Think of all the surrounding countries like school yard bullies and Iraq used to be one of them but you beat it over the head with a rock. Now Iraq is just some partially retarded kid wandering around the playground in the middle of a group of bullies. You have to stick around and protect Iraq’s lunch money . . . or oil, I don’t know which.
And there you have it, a Christian country crusading back to the Middle East in search of a Holy Grail. Fortunately, Bush doesn’t have to fight any Nazi’s like Indy did.
